Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize