nut hugger
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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