after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
