um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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