Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
