Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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