Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
