put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
