I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
