I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
