Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
