the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
