when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
