Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
