yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize