Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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