I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
