the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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