Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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