she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
