i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
