What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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