There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
