My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize