Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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