i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
