I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
