i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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