oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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