we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
