Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize