We're like a lot better than the average bears
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
