Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
