It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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