I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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