I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
