Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize