There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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