I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
