We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
