So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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