I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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