her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
