We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
