u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
