im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
