I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
