i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
