you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
