Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
