Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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