I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
