I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
