My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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