i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
