dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
