I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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