And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
