Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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