She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
