Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
