The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
