so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
