Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
