I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
