just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
