he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As shirtless as possible
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
