i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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