before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
