9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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