3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
