and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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