Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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