Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
