Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
