im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
how does that bad decision feel?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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