im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
