Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
