Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They have beer where we have blood.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
