the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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