I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
