Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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