I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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