I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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