Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize