My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize