life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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