I skipped work to stalk him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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