Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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