I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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