Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
True strength comes from lack of pants
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
