now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
