It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
