She is in my trunk
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
