i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
