Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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