toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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