Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
