i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
