Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and i looked up. we had an audience...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
