I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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