maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize