how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
