Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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